Step 1: Realize That Butterflies Are Temporary (But Taqwa Is Forever)
You know that giddy, heart-racing feeling when he texts back? Yeah, that’s cute, until it fades. Real love isn’t about your pulse spiking every time his name pops up; it’s about your Iman rising when you’re together. Allah says: “And among His Signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them…” (Quran 30:21). If your love doesn’t bring you closer to Allah, then sis, it’s time for a reality check.
Step 2: If He Can’t Lead You in Prayer, He Shouldn’t Lead You Anywhere
Looks fade, but his ability to wake up for Fajr? That’s a lifelong commitment. The Prophet (peace be upon him) said, “When someone whose religion and character you are pleased with comes to you, marry him” (Tirmidhi). So if his idea of “leading” is just holding the remote, you might want to rethink the relationship.
Step 3: Avoid the ‘Halal But Not Really’ Situationship
Oh, the infamous “we’re just talking, but it’s for marriage” excuse. No, Aisha, you’re in a situationship with a fancy name. If there’s no wali, no real intention, and a lot of “we’ll see where this goes,” then you already know where it’s going, nowhere good. The halal way is the best way, and if he’s serious, he’ll go through the right channels, not just your DMs.
Step 4: Set Boundaries Like Your Iman Depends on It (Because It Does)
If he’s testing your boundaries now, imagine what he’ll do in marriage. Islam has given us guidelines for a reason, because emotions make us do questionable things. Keep your convos modest, avoid private meetings, and please, no late-night FaceTime marathons. Love that respects Allah’s boundaries is love that lasts.
Step 5: Stop Romanticizing ‘Fixing’ Him
“He’s not practicing now, but inshaAllah I can change him.” Sis, you are not a rehabilitation center for wayward men. Marriage isn’t a da’wah project, and love isn’t about dragging someone to Jumu’ah by force. If he’s already on the path of Deen, great! If not, let him work on himself first. Your job is to find a partner, not a student.
Step 6: Make Istikhara Your Best Friend
We trust Google reviews more than we trust Istikhara, and that’s a problem. If you’re serious about someone, pray Istikhara and genuinely trust Allah’s guidance. If things suddenly start feeling off, that’s your answer. Don’t fight it just because your heart is being stubborn.
Step 7: Marry Someone for Their Akhlaq, Not Their Instagram Aesthetic
Okay, he has a beard and posts Islamic quotes? That’s great, but does he act on them? The Prophet (peace be upon him) said, “The most complete of the believers in faith are those with the best character” (Tirmidhi). If he’s rude, disrespectful, or has a short temper, it doesn’t matter how well he recites Surah Al-Mulk. Character is key.
Step 8: Financial Stability Isn’t Superficial, It’s Sunnah
Love won’t pay the bills, sis. Even the Prophet (peace be upon him) advised a man to get financially stable before marriage. Islam teaches that a man should be a provider, so if his idea of “provision” is splitting the bill on dates, then that’s a red flag. Marriage is teamwork, but responsibility is responsibility.
Step 9: Don’t Ignore the Red Flags Just Because You’re Emotionally Invested
We make so many excuses when we’re in love. “He doesn’t pray, but he’s really kind.” “He has a temper, but only when he’s stressed.” No, sis. Red flags don’t turn green over time. If there are major issues now, they’ll only get worse later. Love with clarity, not just emotions.
Step 10: Get Advice From the Right People (Not Just Your Besties)
Your girls will hype you up, but you need real guidance. Seek advice from those who are married, knowledgeable, and honest with you. If your wali, family, and mentors are all hesitant? Listen. They’re seeing something your heart doesn’t want to.
Ready to Find Real Love? Let’s Talk Solutions!
If you’re looking for guidance in choosing a spouse the right way, check out The Muslim Marriage Planner, a step-by-step guide to navigating love with faith, wisdom, and clarity. It’s packed with du’as, red flag checklists, and practical steps for a halal, meaningful relationship.
Now tell me, what’s the biggest struggle you’ve faced when looking for a faith-based relationship? Drop it in the comments below!