Hey girl, let’s be real. Relationships are supposed to be beautiful, right? Like those dreamy halal love stories you see on TikTok where the husband is serving his wife biryani in bed, with extra aloo because he knows what’s up. But what happens when the fairy tale starts feeling more like a horror movie titled “Who Even Am I Anymore?”
Here’s the truth: Loving someone is wonderful, but not at the cost of losing yourself. So, if you’re starting to feel like you’ve become nothing more than ‘So-and-so’s wife/fiancé/girlfriend’ , then, girl, we need to talk. Let’s break it down.
1. You’re Constantly Trying to Please Him (Even at Your Own Expense)
You know what I’m talking about. Cancelling plans with friends just to be available for him. Ignoring your own needs because you’re too busy making sure he’s comfortable. It’s like you’ve turned into some kind of emotional butler.
Islam teaches us that maintaining kindness and consideration is great (Quran 30:21), but not when it means neglecting yourself. If you’re giving more than you’re receiving, it’s time to hit pause and reevaluate. Remember, you’re valuable as you, not just as someone’s plus-one.
2. You’ve Forgotten Your Own Goals and Dreams
Remember when you wanted to start that small business? Or finish that degree? But now everything is about his plans, his dreams, his convenience. Sis, Allah gave you your own unique gifts and ambitions for a reason. The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said, “The strong believer is better and more beloved to Allah than the weak believer, while there is good in both.” (Sahih Muslim) , Meaning, girl, go after your dreams. Strengthen yourself, for you and for your deen.
3. Your Relationship Is More Stress Than Joy
Sure, relationships require effort, but if you’re constantly walking on eggshells, overthinking every word and action , that’s not effort, that’s emotional exhaustion. A healthy relationship is supposed to bring you closer to Allah, not drag you down a spiral of anxiety.
Islam promotes tranquility and compassion in relationships (Quran 30:21). If you’re feeling nothing but stress, it’s time to ask yourself why. And more importantly, how to fix it.
4. You Feel Guilty for Taking Time for Yourself
You feel bad for wanting to spend time alone or with friends. You start questioning if you’re being “selfish” for wanting a life outside the relationship. But here’s the thing: Islam encourages balance. The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) used to spend time with his family, but also took time to worship alone. Balance isn’t selfish, it’s necessary.
5. You’ve Lost Your Spiritual Connection
Your relationship should bring you closer to Allah, not further away. If your focus on the relationship is overshadowing your prayers, your spirituality, and your peace, then it’s time to reassess. After all, if the relationship isn’t helping your deen, then what’s the point?
So, How Do You Fix It?
- Set Boundaries Like a Boss: Define what’s okay and what’s not. And stick to it.
- Rediscover Your Own Identity: Reconnect with your passions, your goals, and your faith.
- Seek Advice from Islamic Scholars: Talk to people of knowledge who can guide you on how to have a balanced relationship.
- Prioritize Your Relationship with Allah: Strengthen your deen and let that be your foundation. Everything else will fall into place, InshaAllah.
The bottom line? Relationships can be beautiful when they’re built on mutual respect, support, and most importantly, a shared journey towards pleasing Allah. You are not just an accessory to someone else’s life. You’re the main character of your own story. So, start acting like it, girl!
Feel like you’ve been there? Share your thoughts below!