He’s got decent deen (maybe). He’s got a job (kind of). But deep down, you just know, this is not your future husband. Yet, society (aka nosy aunties) insists: “But you’re not getting any younger!”
Let’s be real. Saying no can feel like dodging a runaway camel. Awkward, messy, and somehow, YOU end up looking like the bad guy. But don’t worry, I got you. Here are 5 Sunnah-approved ways to shut it down, keep your dignity intact, and avoid starring in a Muslim matchmaking horror story.
1. Use the “Istikhara Ghosting” Method (Ethically, of course)
Rasulullah ﷺ said: “If you are concerned about a matter, pray Istikhara.” (Bukhari)
Translation? When in doubt, let Allah swipe left for you.
If you’re unsure, pray Salatul Istikhara. If the answer comes in the form of 24 missed calls, unsolicited poetry, or your gut screaming RUN, then sister, that’s your sign. Tell him, “I made Istikhara, and I don’t feel it’s right.”
Bonus: Even the most persistent brothers back off when you bring Allah into the conversation.
2. Blame Your Wali, That’s What He’s There For
Fun fact: In Islam, your wali (guardian) isn’t just there to nod at your nikkah, he’s your first line of defense.
Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: “A woman may not give herself in marriage without the permission of her guardian.” (Abu Dawood)
Translation? If a guy isn’t up to standard, let your wali be the bouncer at the club of your heart. Tell him, “I respect your interest, but my wali has made the decision, and I stand by it.”
Pro Tip: This method works best with brothers who just don’t take the hint. No debate necessary.
3. Hit Him with the “Deen Over DMs” Card
Let’s be real, if a man slides into your DMs with salam beautiful, he’s probably not leading you to Jannah.
Islam teaches us: “A man is upon the religion of his friend.” (Tirmidhi)
If he’s not bringing taqwa, then why bring him into your timeline? Tell him, “I’m looking for someone who prioritizes faith in actions, not just words.” If his version of “deen” is a retweet of a Mufti Menk quote, it’s time to log out.
4. The “I’m Too Expensive for You” Sunnah Approach
No, this isn’t about mahr gold-digging. It’s about knowing your worth.
Rasulullah ﷺ said: “The most blessed marriage is the one with the least burden (on finances).” (Ibn Majah)
But hold on, this hadith doesn’t mean you should settle for the bare minimum. A man should be able to provide, lead, and protect. If he expects you to finance his FIFA career, say:
“I respect you as a brother in Islam, but I am looking for someone who can fulfill the Sunnah of qiwamah (financial responsibility in marriage).”
Watch him disappear faster than your motivation after Fajr.
5. The Ultimate “Jannah Goals” Rejection
Ladies, the end goal isn’t marriage, it’s Jannah. And not every man is a ticket there.
Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: “A woman is married for four things: her wealth, her lineage, her beauty, and her religion. Choose the one with religion, or you will be a loser.” (Bukhari)
Same logic applies when choosing a husband. If he doesn’t:
- Prioritize salah over Snapchat streaks
- Respect your hijab instead of questioning it
- Talk about the Hereafter, not just his dream car
Then, my dear, he’s just not it. Politely tell him, “I’m looking for a husband who will help me get to Jannah, and I don’t think we align.”
Mic drop. No further questions.
Final Thoughts: Sis, Your ‘No’ is Valid.
Too often, Muslim women are pressured into accepting proposals out of fear, fear of missing out, fear of being judged, fear of regret. But let me tell you something: A marriage built on pressure is a marriage built on problems.
SAY IT WITH ME: You don’t owe anyone an explanation for prioritizing your deen, your peace, and your future.
Now, I want to hear from you! What’s the worst proposal story you’ve ever had? Drop it in the comments (anonymously, of course ).
And if you need help crafting the perfect rejection text, check out The Muslimah’s Guide to Saying No, a mini e-book designed to help you decline with grace, confidence, and a little bit of halal sass.