Sis, let’s be real. You deserve love, respect, and a God-centered relationship, not a situationship that leaves you confused at 3 AM, staring at your phone, wondering if he even cares. If you’re constantly overthinking, waiting for a text back, or just feeling like something is off… it probably is.
Before you fall any deeper into the emotional rollercoaster, let’s break down the 7 Islamic signs he’s not serious about you. If you spot these red flags, it’s your sign from Allah to walk away with your dignity intact.
1. He Talks About Marriage… But Never Takes Action
Ah, the classic “InshaAllah one day” guy. He loves to talk about the future in theory, but when you ask about actually taking steps (like involving his family), he dodges, delays, or gives vague answers. Islam teaches us that serious intentions lead to action (Quran 49:15). If months (or worse, years) have passed and he’s still stalling? Sis, he’s not confused, he’s wasting your time.
2. He Keeps It a Secret
If he says “Let’s keep this between us” or “My family just wouldn’t understand right now”… . A real man with honorable intentions will want to do things the halal way, not keep you hidden like a shameful secret. Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said, “There is no marriage without a guardian” (Tirmidhi). If he won’t acknowledge you publicly or involve your wali, he’s leading you on. Period.
3. He Plays the Emotional Islam Card
Some guys will hit you with “Allah knows my heart” or “You’re the only one who understands my deen” to manipulate you into sticking around. Being religious should mean a man honors his commitments and protects your dignity, not just that he quotes Islamic phrases to keep you emotionally hooked. Islam is about actions, not just words.
4. He Wants the Perks Without the Commitment
Let’s be blunt: If he’s asking for late-night calls, flirtatious conversations, or even “just a little bit of haram” (astaghfirullah), but he’s not taking steps toward nikah, he’s using you for emotional (or worse, physical) gratification. Islam protects women by ensuring love comes with commitment. Anything outside of that? Danger zone.
5. He Gaslights You for Having Standards
Have you ever expressed your Islamic boundaries, only for him to say “You’re being too dramatic” or “You need to relax, not everything is haram”? That’s manipulation, not love. The Prophet (pbuh) said, “The best of you are those who are best to their women” (Tirmidhi). A righteous man won’t belittle you for wanting a halal relationship, he’ll respect it and match your values.
6. He Disappears and Reappears on His Own Terms
Does he ghost you for weeks, then pop back into your life like nothing happened? Is he always “busy” when you need him, but magically free when it suits him? This is a textbook emotional breadcrumbing tactic, and you deserve consistency. A sincere man is present, reliable, and prioritizes you, not just when he’s bored or lonely.
7. You Feel Spiritually Drained, Not Elevated
Here’s the ultimate test: Does this relationship bring you closer to Allah or pull you away? A man who truly loves you will inspire you to be your best self, remind you of your worth, and encourage you to strengthen your faith. If you’re constantly in emotional turmoil, making excuses for his behavior, or feeling guilty about slipping in your deen… sis, he’s not it.
Time to Take Back Your Power
If you’re seeing these signs, it’s time to walk away and trust Allah. You are not asking for too much. You deserve a man who honors you, respects you, and is serious about a future with you.
Need help staying strong? Try the Dua Journal for Muslim Women, a beautiful guided journal that helps you process emotions, strengthen your faith, and manifest the right partner through du’a and reflection.