now that feeling when bae turns into Big Brother? Constant check-ins, “Where are you? Who are you with?”, like you’re a contestant on Survivor: Marriage Edition. Or worse, when he starts treating you like his personal property rather than his partner in life.
First, let’s be clear: Islam does NOT endorse controlling, manipulative behavior in relationships. Marriage is built on love and mercy (Quran 30:21), NOT power struggles and emotional lockdowns. So, what do you do when your prince charming starts acting like a dictator? Let’s get into it.
1. Recognize the Red Flags (No, It’s Not “Just How Men Are”)
If he:
- Constantly tells you what to wear, who to talk to, and where to go
- Gaslights you into thinking his control is love
- Uses Islam as a weapon instead of a guide
…you have a problem.
Islam calls for mutual respect. Even the Prophet Muhammad (ﷺ) treated his wives with kindness and consultation, not surveillance and ultimatums. If he’s twisting Islamic teachings to justify his behavior, remind him: “There is no compulsion in religion” (Quran 2:256). That includes your personal autonomy, sis.
2. Set Boundaries Like a Boss
You wouldn’t let a stranger micromanage your life, so why let your partner? Islamically, you have rights, and that includes emotional safety.
Communicate clearly:
- “I appreciate your concern, but I need space to make my own decisions.”
- “I love you, but love isn’t about control.”
If he throws a tantrum, that’s on him. You are not his property. You are a full human being with your own mind, and Islam acknowledges that.
3. Call Him Out, With Wisdom (Hikmah is Your Superpower)
Sometimes, he might not even realize he’s being controlling. Some men genuinely believe they’re protecting their wives when they’re actually suffocating them.
The Prophet (ﷺ) said, “The best of you are those who are best to their wives.” (Tirmidhi 1162)
Remind him gently: “Babe, the Prophet’s wives traveled, spoke their minds, and had independence. Let’s follow his example.” Keep it classy but firm.
4. Involve a Third Party (Because Sometimes, We Need Backup)
If he doesn’t get the memo, bring in reinforcements. A trusted imam, scholar, or counselor can help him understand that his behavior isn’t just unfair, it’s un-Islamic. The Prophet (ﷺ) himself sought mediation when conflicts arose, so don’t hesitate to do the same.
5. Strengthen Your Own Knowledge (Because Ignorance is NOT Bliss)
Sis, Islam is on your side. If he’s using religion to control you, arm yourself with knowledge. Read about the rights of women in Islam so you can confidently say, “Actually, Islam doesn’t say that.”
One great resource? “The Rights and Duties of Women in Islam” by Abdul Ghaffar Hassan. (Go ahead, add it to your cart, knowledge is power!)
6. Protect Your Mental & Emotional Well-being
A controlling partner can drain you. But guess what? Your mental health matters in Islam. The Prophet (ﷺ) made du’a for peace of mind and protection from anxiety (Bukhari 2893). If your relationship is causing you stress, you are allowed to take care of yourself.
Need practical help? Journaling, therapy, or even a self-care day can work wonders. There are even Muslim therapist directories online, because du’a + therapy = winning.
7. Know When to Walk Away (Because Islam Gives You That Right)
Here’s the hard truth: If he refuses to change and continues to suffocate you, leaving is an option. Islam permits divorce for a reason. Khula (a wife-initiated divorce) is 100% valid when a woman is unhappy and mistreated. Even the Prophet’s (ﷺ) time saw women seeking divorce when their marriages became unbearable.
Your peace of mind is priceless. If staying means losing yourself, choose you, because Islam allows you to.
Final Thoughts: Time to Take Action!
If you’ve been nodding along to this post, it’s time to do something about it. Start by setting boundaries, learning your rights, and seeking help if needed.
Have you ever dealt with a controlling partner? How did you handle it? Share your thoughts in the comments, let’s support each other!
And if you’re ready to empower yourself with knowledge, check out “The Rights and Duties of Women in Islam”. Because sis, you deserve better.