Have you ever picked up your phone, saw that friend’s name pop up, and felt your soul physically sigh? The type of sigh that says, “Ya Allah, grant me sabr.” If so, it might be time to evaluate your friendship before it drains your emotional and spiritual energy faster than a melting ice cream cone in the Dubai sun.
Not all friendships are meant to last forever, and Islam teaches us the value of surrounding ourselves with good company. The Prophet Muhammad (ﷺ) said: “A person is upon the religion of their close friend, so let one of you look at whom he befriends.” (Tirmidhi 2378).
So, let’s talk about the 10 warning signs that your friendship is turning into an emotional black hole, and what you can do about it.
1. They Drain You More Than a Phone on 1%
You ever feel like you need a three-hour nap after just one conversation with them? If every interaction leaves you mentally exhausted, that’s a red flag bigger than your Eid outfit. Friendships should uplift, not deplete you.
Islamic Perspective: The Prophet (ﷺ) said, “The best of companions in the sight of Allah is the one who is best to his companion.” (Tirmidhi 1941). If they constantly make you feel worse, are they really being a good friend?
2. It’s Always About Them
You just aced your final exams, and they respond with, “That’s nice. But OMG, let me tell you what happened to me today!” If your conversations feel like a personal TED Talk, starring them, written by them, directed by them, this friendship might be one-sided.
Solution: Try redirecting the conversation. If they still don’t show interest in you, it might be time to step back.
3. They Compete With You Like It’s the Olympics
Friend: “You got a new abaya? Cute. I just bought three designer ones from Dubai. No big deal.”
You:
A healthy friendship is about support, not competition. If they see your wins as threats instead of reasons to celebrate, they might not be the realest friend you think they are.
Islamic Perspective: The Prophet (ﷺ) taught us to love for our brother (or sister) what we love for ourselves (Bukhari 13). A true friend should cheer for you, not try to outshine you.
4. You Feel Like Their Therapist (But They Never Listen to Yours)
It’s all venting, no listening. They dump their emotional baggage on you like you’re a free counseling service. But when you need support? Crickets.
Solution: You’re not a professional therapist (unless you actually are, then, sis, start charging!). Set boundaries.
5. They Disrespect Your Faith or Values
If they constantly make fun of your hijab, pressure you to bend your Islamic values, or dismiss your beliefs as “too much,” then, sis… you already know the answer.
Quranic Reminder: “And keep yourself patient [by being] with those who call upon their Lord in the morning and the evening, seeking His countenance.” (Quran 18:28). Choose friends who respect your deen.
6. They Bring Out the Worst in You
If you find yourself gossiping more, skipping salah, or engaging in things you normally wouldn’t, pay attention. Your company has a bigger influence on you than you think.
Islamic Perspective: The Prophet (ﷺ) said: “The example of a good companion is like that of the seller of musk… he will either offer you some, buy from you, or you will smell good from him.” (Bukhari 5534). Find your “musk-seller” friends!
7. They Guilt-Trip You Like a Pro
“Wow, so you have time for other people but not me? I see how it is…”
If they manipulate you into spending time with them or make you feel bad for setting boundaries, that’s a huge sign of an unhealthy friendship.
Solution: You are NOT obligated to entertain toxic behavior. Say Bismillah and walk away.
8. They’re Never There When You Need Them
Ever notice how they disappear when you need help but expect you to drop everything for them?
Solution: Friendships should be mutual. If you’re doing all the heavy lifting, take a step back and see if they even notice.
9. They Make You Doubt Yourself
If you feel more insecure around them instead of uplifted, sis, why are they still in your life?
Islamic Perspective: The Prophet (ﷺ) said, “A believer is the mirror of his brother.” (Abu Dawood 4918). Your friends should reflect the best in you, not make you feel less than.
10. You Feel Relieved When You Don’t Talk to Them
If cutting off communication with them feels like a breath of fresh air, that friendship might have been suffocating you all along.
Solution: You don’t owe toxic people a permanent place in your life. Prioritize your peace.
So, What Now?
If you related to multiple points, it might be time to reevaluate your friendships. You don’t have to cut people off dramatically (unless they deserve it ). But setting boundaries is crucial.
Need help setting boundaries? Check out , a guided journal designed to help Muslim women cultivate healthier relationships while staying true to their Islamic values. Because saying “no” is an act of self-care too.