Alright, sis. Let’s get real. Love can be blind, deaf, and sometimes just straight-up delusional. We’ve all seen the red flags, ignored them, and then blamed our Wi-Fi for not loading the signs faster. But here’s the tea: Islam is all about mutual respect, kindness, and fairness in relationships. If you’re stuck in a toxic cycle with a master manipulator, it’s time for a reality check.
So grab your chai, sit tight, and let’s dive into the 7 signs you’re in a manipulative relationship, with a side of Quran and Hadith to wake you up.
1. He Gaslights You Like It’s His Side Hustle
Ever had a conversation where he completely denies what he said five minutes ago? “I never said that,” he claims, as if your memory is sponsored by Netflix fiction. Gaslighting is a major manipulation tactic, making you doubt your reality.
What Islam Says: Lying and deception are huge sins in Islam. The Prophet Muhammad (ﷺ) said, “Truth leads to righteousness, and righteousness leads to Paradise… Falsehood leads to wickedness, and wickedness leads to Hell” (Bukhari, Muslim). If he’s constantly twisting the truth, it’s time to twist right out of that relationship.
2. He Uses Religion to Control You
“If you really loved me, you’d obey me without question.” Insert dramatic eye roll here. A real man follows Islam correctly, and Islam is not a dictatorship. Manipulators love to cherry-pick religious rulings to keep you in check while ignoring their own responsibilities.
What Islam Says: Allah commands men to be protectors and maintainers of women (Quran 4:34), not tyrants. The Prophet (ﷺ) said, “The best of you are those who are best to their wives” (Tirmidhi). If he’s using Islam as a weapon instead of a guide, he’s the problem.
3. He Always Plays the Victim
He forgets your birthday? “You know I’ve been so stressed.” He disrespects your boundaries? “You don’t care about my feelings.” Suddenly, he’s the victim, and you’re left feeling guilty for expecting basic decency.
What Islam Says: Emotional manipulation is not okay. The Prophet (ﷺ) was never unfair in his relationships. He never guilt-tripped his wives or made them feel bad for asking for their rights. If your man constantly makes you the bad guy, it’s time to exit stage left.
4. He Controls Who You Can and Can’t Talk To
“He’s your cousin? Doesn’t matter. Block him.” Isolation is a classic manipulation move. He wants to cut you off from family, friends, and anyone who might expose his toxicity.
What Islam Says: Islam encourages healthy family and social ties. The Prophet (ﷺ) said, “Whoever severs the ties of kinship will not enter Paradise” (Bukhari). No man has the right to isolate you from your loved ones unless there’s a legitimate Islamic reason.
5. He Makes You Feel Unworthy
“Oh, you think you’re pretty? That’s cute.” Manipulators break you down so you feel like no one else will love you. This is by design, because a confident woman is a threat to his power.
What Islam Says: Allah created you beautifully and with purpose. The Prophet (ﷺ) said, “Allah does not look at your appearance or wealth, but He looks at your hearts and deeds” (Muslim). If he’s constantly lowering your self-esteem instead of lifting you up, he’s gotta go.
6. He Makes Promises He Never Keeps
“I swear, I’ll change.” Spoiler alert: He won’t. Broken promises, fake apologies, and repeated cycles of mistreatment? Classic manipulation.
What Islam Says: Keeping promises is a sign of a true believer. The Quran says, “O you who believe! Fulfill your obligations” (5:1). If his words and actions don’t match, trust his actions.
7. You Feel Like You’re Walking on Eggshells
You shouldn’t feel scared to voice your opinions, express emotions, or even breathe wrong around your partner. If every conversation feels like a potential argument, that’s not love, that’s a mental marathon.
What Islam Says: The Prophet (ﷺ) was gentle, approachable, and kind to his wives. If you constantly feel uneasy, that’s your fitrah (natural disposition) telling you this ain’t it.
Final Thoughts: Love Should Feel Safe, Not Suffocating
If any (or all) of these signs sound familiar, it’s time to reevaluate. Islam teaches that marriage is a partnership built on mercy and kindness (Quran 30:21). Love should uplift you, not break you down.
And remember, sis, you are a daughter of the Most High, not some guy’s emotional punching bag. If he’s not treating you right, he’s not the one. Period.